You are so lucky I am around
by Notthatyouwouldmind
Summary: English is not my first language. Smut to come in chap. 2.
1. Chapter 1

This tour has been nothing but fun so far. The city we'll be playing tonight is Atlanta and since we have family here, we've been looking forward to meet and hang with our cousins and a few friends before the show. We spend a few hours trying to catch up on everything that happened since our last get together with our cousins, aunt Julie's daughters. Sara made sure to put them all on the guest list for tonight's gig as we made our way to the hotel and then for the soundcheck. She's been in a kind of nostalgic mood the whole day and I know why. Every family member we hooked up with today reminded her of our aunt Julie. She was a huge support to us both when we first came out, mine and Sara's best friend and dare I say second mom. We didn't cope quite well with her sudden death, to be honest.

Sara misses her dearly. I want to reflect on her sadness with her and bring up the happy memories to cheer Sara up a bit. It is clear though, that Sara wants to deal with this alone for now. And I let her. Now, as the show is approaching, she seems to be in a better spirit, all pumped up to give her best tonight. The crowd screams their lungs out throughout the whole gig. We banter a lot, I dance even more until there is only one song on the playlist left. With the first tones of 'My love open the door' hitting the air of the venue, everyone have their phones and cameras out and ready enjoying the last minutes of us on stage. We go through the first two verses and choruses into the instrumental bridge of the song really smooth. I see Sara in the corner of my eye stepping back to the mic and then it happens.

I hear in my in-ears that she chokes up and couldn't get to finish the line. My head turns into her direction and I see her wiping the tears out from her eyes. My heart breaks into what seems like a gazillion pieces and it takes all of the energy of the universe to keep me put and not to run to Sara and hug the living shit out of her. I play it cool though. I take the lead and finish the singing. As we play the last part of the song on the keyboards, I glance over to her a few more times. Tears are falling down from her baby face and I decide to look concern although I am on the verge of tears myself. I thought she would run off stage right after the last tone, but no. She stands her ground like the tough cupcake she is. We say bye to the fans, me with a smile, Sara with a 'get me out of here, Tee' look on her face.

Sara rushes off to the dressing room with me mere inches behind her small frame. The door slams behind our backs and without any hint of hesitation she throws herself onto me, buries her face into my neck and starts to cry so hard I want to die just to make it stop. The cruel reminder that I need to stay the strong one here kicks in. To speak or to even move is totally meaningless. I just hug her with all the strength and love left in my and kiss the side of her head. I allow one lonely tear to roll down my cheek and let it all get to me before I inhale deeply taking Sara's scent in. My twin's sadness becomes palpable, as her body shakes in my arms with her every breath. After I don't know how long Sara's grip on me loosens and she looks me in the eye and says "Thanks for that you are, Tegan" and places a very tender, tear stained kiss on my lips. She asks me if we could sit on the red couch that I only now notice is present in the room. I oblige and as my bum hits the mattress Sara is quick to curl up in my lap with a silent sigh. I didn't dare to speak up until this moment. My fingers strike through her soft hair as her head lays on my chest. I´m sure the sound of my heart calms Sara down a bit. After a few more minutes of silence all I am able to get out of me is "I miss her too, you know." I regret the decision to open my mouth immediately. Sara starts to sob softly but I manage to prevent a second painful outburst by pulling her up and hugging her against me. I kiss her neck delicately and feel that her breaths even out. Before Sara dozes off completely, I peel her off of me a bit and gently push her down on the couch on her side. I throw my jacket over her torso and place the softest kiss on her forehead.

The second I am out of the dressing room, I am met with Ted's half concerned, half heartbroken look. "She's okay. She's asleep". I see a hint of relief in Ted's face as he asks "Are you alright, Tegan?" I try a smile "Yeah, just tired as hell". Ted starts to report to me that everything and everyone is packed and ready to go and that our ride to the hotel will be here in ten. I nod, thank him and return back to the dressing room.

Have you ever imagined Sara sleeping? Yeah, exactly. The cutest, most adorable and lovely girl is laying in front of me with her eyes closed and her sweet mouth slightly open, breathing in with tiny snors and breathing out with small whimpers. My baby sister. So vulnerable, I want to protect her until my last heartbeat and never let anything or anyone hurt her. So beautiful, I don't feel deserving of her love. And so innocent, as I slowly step to her, crouch in front of her and she looks up at me and smiles with her eyes, my heart stops. I lean in to kiss her cheek and whisper "We have to go, angel." Sara sits up and I soothingly strike her thighs. She kisses my forehead in return. I take her hand, pull her up and we make our way out of the venue straight into the waiting car.

We hold hands in the darkness of the back seat during the short drive to the hotel. Our eyes meet a few times as we look at each other, Sara with a more exhausted sight. We check in by the front desk, I grab the key and since nobody is in the lobby and by the elevators, I hold Sara by the waist the whole time. As we step into the elevator and the door closes I ask Sara, if she's hungry. "No. Just hold me, please." And so I do. We reach our floor and find the room fast. This is gonna be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

I switch the light on as we enter the hotel room and find all of our luggage and stuff carefully placed at and on the bed. I love our crew. Sara sits down on the bed and turns the TV on. She seems distracted for a while, but comes back to here and now after just seconds. I inspect the rest of our room and find a huge bathtub in the bathroom. Bingo!

The sadness still hangs heavy in the air as I return back to the room and sit on the bed next to my sister. Her small head lays down on my shoulder with a deep gasp. I slip my hand under her jacket and pull her closer. I whisper in her hair "Do you wanna take a bath? Hmmm? I'll take care of you, baby." Sara shoots me a grateful smile "Would you, really?" "Of course, c'mere." I stand up and reach my hand out to her. Sara's fully focused on me now, so that's a start. Only now I see that her eyes are still swollen from crying and it breaks my heart all over again.

I slowly peel off her jacket, sweater and gently touch her belly and inch down to the button of her jeans. "May I?" Sara gives me her consent with a kiss on my cheek and I pull her zipper down and help her shimmy out of the jeans. She's so fragile inside and out. Even more now after what we've been through tonight. She's left only in her bra and boy shorts while I'm still fully clothed. I quickly throw away my jacket, pull the t-shirt over my head and pull my pants down while Sara just stands in front of me eyeing my every move patiently. I need to make sure we'll go at her pace tonight. I grab her hand and and some sleeping clothes and we walk into the bathroom.

I let her in first and head straight to the bathtub to run the water. As I turn back to look at Sara, she's already got rid off her bra and is halfway done with getting out of her boy shorts. I take in the sight of the radiating perfection in front of me with a small whimper stuck in my throat and mirror her actions. When we're both naked, I take her hand again and help her into the bathtub, my eyes never leaving hers. Sara sits down and wraps her hands around her bended legs. I squat down next to her and place a small kiss on her shoulder. "Do you want me to wash you, love?" I ask gently. "I thought you'd join me in the tub, Tee. The water is so nice." she reaches out to cradle my jaw and runs the pad of her thumb across my bottom lip. I smile at her, stand up and slip behind her into the tub. The moment I'm comfy in my place Sara leans into me with a long exhale. "This feels perfect, Tee. Thank you." I close my eyes and smile, mostly to myself. My lips find the top of Sara's spine and I mumble "Anything for you, Sar." My hands sneak around her hips and the moment I touch the skin on her belly with my fingertips she relaxes even more. I clasp my hands and rest them under her breasts.

"Do you feel better now?" I ask carefully. "You know, Tegan, I've been thinking about what it would be like if you or mom or dad passed." I want to tell her to stop talking about such things but I know she needs to get it off her chest, so I just swallow back my tears and hold her closer to me. "I've been thinking about it a lot. And this may seem a tad sick, but these thoughts hunted me for a long time. Like since I was twenty or so. You can never be ready enough for someone to die, though." Sara stops and waits for my reaction. I remain silent, so Sara continues. "Aunt Julie knew about us, Tegan." This sounds so honest said out loud. I'm suddenly stunned by the simple truth. The thing is, we never confirmed to aunt Julie our more than a sisterly relationship, but through indirect hints on both sides it was understood that we can't fight the urge of twins turned into soulmates turned into lovers. Aunt Julie never judged us, turned her head in disgust or, for that matter, told anybody else. "And now that she's gone, we're left in this alone." Sara turns her head to face me and again I see tears forming behind her eye lids. I don't dare to move but Sara leans closer and connects our lips. She deepens the kiss by sliding her tongue very slowly into my mouth through my parted lips. I moan as she sneaks her tongue behind my teeth and starts to massage it against mine. If this is the way to make all sadness and pain go away, I'm hers forever.

I'm not sure where this is going to lead us. All I know is I can still feel the sadness but also desperation in the kiss. Is she desperate for me? For my body? For us? The situations like this one were never discussed, we always let ourselves drown in our need and loving pleasure knowing damn well what we have is beyond everyone's understanding. The word "love" doesn't even begin to describe what we feel for each other. As we part our lips to take in the much needed air I gaze into Sara's eyes and try to look for a hint of whatever she feels. I patiently wait for her next move. She probably sees my confusion but doesn't do much to make it go away. Instead she peels herself of off me, turns around to sit with her back to me and reaches for the soap. She hands me the bottle and asks me "Would you wash my back?" In a small voice. The peachy scent hits my nose and I pour a generous amout of the liquid in my hand. I hand her the bottle back and rub my palms together to create foam.

My hands slide up and down near her spine, then my strokes stretch further to her sides and a bit front to the sides of her breasts. Sara winces suddenly and giggles. "That tickles, Tee." Her voice is almost childish. I finish washing her back. "Can we go to bed now?" I search for further signs of anything sad in her words, but it's just not there. "Whatever you want, Sara." I lean forward to give one last kiss to her shoulder before she stands up and step out of the bathtub. She takes a towel to dry herself off and turns to me. "Are you coming, Tegan?" She smirks and winks at me. Sara fucking winks at me and I feel like I just won a lottery. Even better, I won her heart and in that very moment I'm aware we're back to normal. No more tears for now. "Yeah, I'll just wash myself and brush my teeth." My love for her is written all over my face in a big grin. "Okay, I'll wait for you in the bed, love." The door closes behind my twin as she walks out of the bathroom, her curves wrapped only in the white towel.

I lay my head back against the rim of the tub and exhale sharply. Knowing Sara's mood swings, there is a very thin line between the flirty mood she's in and another river of tears. I need to keep this. I need to keep her happy, no matter what. But how? How do you treat someone so fragile and vulnerable? You might think I know her better than anyone else in this world. That's true. But the trust we built through the years made us like that. We're completely open with each other. No secrets, no hidden feelings, no holding back. Just honesty. Whatever Sara throws my way I'm ready to deal with. And that's often very challenging. I wash myself, step out of the bathtub and brush my teeth quickly. I put on a band t-shirt and my yellow PJ shorts and leave the bathroom satisfied with my fresh minty breath.

I see Sara curled on her side at the bed watching TV. She looks up at me and her beautiful lips curl up in a smile. I stand there just looking back at her abusing my lower lip with my teeth. "Do you want to have sex tonight?" Really, Tegan? Really? This is all you're able to come up with? I slap myself mentally the second the words leave my mouth. I surprise even myself and freeze. Sara's brows furrow and the expression on her face is puzzled. No! No! I'm sorry. Don't cry, baby! I know it's too late to apologize. "O..only if you want to." Sara still stares at me with what almost seems like a fear in her eyes. I shake my head no and ask back "Do you want to cuddle?" A big smile takes over Sara's face and I sigh with a great relief. I step closer to the bed and Sara lifts up the duvet. She has a fresh pair of boy briefs and a wife beater on. My body slides next to my twin's. She moves very close to me, claws at my t-shirt and starts to kiss me all over my face. I giggle like a teenager but don't stop her. I'm so lucky to have her love. She stops her lips near my ear to whisper "I'm glad that you didn't run away. Thank you for taking care of me, Tegan." I sneak my arms around her and put them on her back. I peck her cheek "Never. You never have to thank me, Sar. I love you and I would do anything I can or even can't if that means to keep you happy."


	3. Chapter 3

We stay like this for a while, just kissing, cuddling, looking into each other's eyes. Perfect. She's perfect. Sara curls down on my chest and I think she's ready for the sleep. I run my fingers through her soft locks and kiss her forehead "Today's been intense, huh baby?" Sara's body shakes with a gigle that turns into a yawn. "Yup. Intense. Are you tired, Tee?" I stroke her back lazily. "Not really, but I think you are." She looks up at me and connects out lips in a long, sleepy kiss then puts another soft one on my cheek and whispers "I'm so in love with you. Good night, Tegan." I will never get tired of hearing this coming from my sister's mouth. "I'm in love with you too, baby. More than you'll ever know. Sleep now. " We kiss again and Sara slips from my embrace to lay down on her side. I turn the TV off not interested in it anyway. Although I crave her warmth more than anything, I respect her space. Only now I realize it's started to dawn outside. Just when I hear Sara's breaths even out and small snorts escaping from under the covers, I drift off blissfully.

First thing I register when I gain my conscience again are Sara's warm lips on my cheek and they travel down to my neck. She buries her face there and nibble at my pulse point. Fuck, that feels fantastic. "Good morning, baby. How do you feel?" Instead of giving me an answer, Sara starts to sing "Everything is awesooooome!", her voice muffled in the crock of my neck. I burst out laughing. "Shut up!" Sara bites down on my soft spot and my scream turns into a moan. I'm immediately aroused. She pulls off slightly, just enough to look me in the eye. I see nothing but pure lust. My mouth open a bit and I swallow hard and I breathe out sharply. "I think I owe you something, Tee. Let me take care of you now."

We crash our lips together and I enjoy the passion to every tiny bit of my being. I let Sara dominate me ready for the treat I'm about to get. She cradle my jaw and slips her tongue inside my mouth and we moan in unison. I could never take her for granted. The connection we share now is everything I have. It's not like one of us ever retreated from this relationship or felt any guilt about what we do or found it wrong in any way. And that's a miracle, right there, don't you think? Because our love is only fucking special to us and that's enough to keep us together and happy. It's just that I can't believe sometimes we are real. Us. Sara and Tegan. Feel me?

So we literally melt into the kiss. As Sara continues to perform wonders in my mouth with her tongue, she slides her hand down from my jaw and rests it on my hip. Her impatient fingers tangle up in the hem of my t-shirt and start to pull it up. I get her hint and we part but not for long. Our breaths race with each other. We get my t-shirt off first, then her wife beater and I don't even have a chance to take her naked form in because Sara is latched to my collarbone the next second. I gasp at the contact. Every time we get physical, it feels anew. We bring different sensations to the table making sure we don't get bored or tired of each other, as if we ever could. She bites gently on my skin, then a bit rough and I hiss. Sara licks the abused skin and chuckles. "Hurts good, baby?" Her lips touch the same place again and only now I feel that my PJ shorts are stuck to my lips with thick wetness. Sara pushes her front closer to me and slides herself down to level her mouth with my boobs.

She bites and licks from between my breasts up to my neck and back down my left side. Sara's warm tongue and teeth work the soft skin on the side of my boob toward my nipple. She circles the stiff bud and takes it into her hot mouth. Sara sucks on me a little harder and I whimper in agreement. She grazes the nipple with her teeth as it slips out of mouth. She kisses the side of my breast and drags her tongue across my chest to suck on my other nipple. I react with bucking my hips into her subtly. Still getting busy with my boobs, Sara puts her leg between my thighs. As her thigh gets in touch with the radiating heat coming from my core, I push against her harder. I'm sure she must feel my wetness on her skin and she moans into my boob. I buck against her some more and the friction feels incredible. Oh my god, this is so hot. My clit throbs like a motherfucker with excitement.

Sara stops working my boobs and looks into my eyes again and I feel her index finger running along the waist band of my shorts from my belly button, around my hips to my lower back. She stops right above my bum crack and hooks the finger in and tugs slowly. I nod and move to help her to get me all naked. The shorts end up abandoned at the edge of the bed. Sara's nostrils widen as she takes the scent of my dripping pussy in. She licks her plump lips and slides her hand down my tight abdomen slowly to cup my mound her eyes holding my gaze still. She spreads and slides her fingers lower to run the tips outside of my soft lips. I throw my leg over her hip and upper thigh in an instant to open myself up for her. Sara leans in, her lips on my ear, takes a short breath and whispers "I need to make you come, Tee."


End file.
